Making the Decision

I have been here in the Netherlands for five days now. And if there is one thing I have learned, it is that before anyone studies abroad, they need to really make sure that's what they want to do. If you are someone who thinks it would be fun, and all good, traveling all the time, and happy dappy times, it's not. Five days here have felt like five weeks.

My last post was really bad. I was an emotional wreck, and still am.

I signed my lease agreement and moved into my apartment today, and the second I got my keys, brought my stuff up to my crappy room, and went to say goodbye to Eline, I was crying. I swear that is all I ever do!

There is something about this place that makes me feel really uncomfortable. Like I think part of it is that I don't have a car so I have to walk everywhere, which sucks. And like I don't have a bike either. I don't know. The apartment is really weird as well. It is bare, and the bed sucks and is uncomfortable, and I don't know. It does feel like home.

As much as it is really difficult to go day-by-day here, I had to come up with a decision.

I called Alex up at 4:00 am his time, and I cried the whole time. It is really hard for me to be this far from him; but he thinks I should give it another chance. But overall he thinks I wish I figured it out more; which I can agree with.

I then talked to dad at 4:30 am his time, and he says I should stay. Like part of me agrees with him and says, "come on Kaleigh, you are better than this. You have always wanted to study abroad, and now you can do it!" And the other part of me says, "well there is a flight to go back home for $850".

Dad told me that I am strong, and quitting is something I don't do. He is very true too. I don't quit on things. He also said that it would screw up wanting to get a job. I know what he is saying.

Talking with my family and friends form back at home is nice. Whenever I feel like quitting, they remind me that I am strong enough to stick it through. But again, studying abroad is hard. Everyone I have talked to says that it is not easy. Friends I talk with say they go through the same thing.

So, again if you want to study abroad, know that being homesick is real. You might be like me and think you are stronger than that, and know that you will be okay; but you won't. I know it sounds really terrible, but it is the harsh reality. For some people like me, it might hit you with a ton of bricks just after you get there, and others, it might hit after a few days or weeks.

Homesickness is terrible. You can deny it all you want, but it is real. Like me, you will probably go through a lot of bumps. One minute you are thinking positive about things, and then next you might be crying because you miss home. It really is a roller coaster of emotions as I am dealing with it first hand.

I think keeping busy is the best way to cope with these problems. I applied for a job with Compass Breda (international organization with NHTV) and hope that will get me some friends, and I am going to Amsterdam this weekend, dad is visiting me in April, Alex hopefully in May, mom and Tyler in June, and before I know it, I'll be back in the US in July.

My goal: keep my head up, keep busy, and keep thinking positive.